“Should I stay or should I go?”

I would say most of us have asked ourselves that question at some point. About our job. About our role. About how we live our lives.

And the tricky bit isn’t the question – it’s that the answer doesn’t come from our heads. Our rational selves.

Image by Olly @Pexels.

We got lost looking for it there. We make lists. We ask friends for advice. We ruminate. But the answer isn’t rational. It’s emotional. Existential. It lies somewhere else.

We get stuck, not because we lack courage, but because we’ve never been asked the right questions.

To support transitions in my life I put together these set of questions. They might seem odd at first, but why not surprise yourself by giving them a chance? They come with no instructions. They are yours to do with as you wish.

1. Your body knows before you do

Before you can put it into words - you already feel it. A heaviness. A tightness. Something that’s lost its spark. Your body holds information your mind hasn’t yet accessed. The first area is about learning to listen there.

• How do you know it’s time?

• What feels tight, heavy, or lifeless in your current situation?

• What does your body long for - more of what? Less of what?

• If your body could choose without negotiating - what would it say?

2. It’s not about your next title - it’s about your next version of yourself

We talk about careers in terms of goals, steps, and achievements. But beneath all of that lives a different question: What do I actually want to contribute? When did I last feel truly alive in my work? The second area explores meaning - not just direction.

• What do you want to contribute, not just accomplish?

• When do you feel alive in your work?

• What makes you feel that your time is well spent?

• Which part of you wants to become more visible in the next chapter?

3. See the narrative – which story are you about to leave or rewrite?

Every choice we make is part of a larger story about who we are. Sometimes it’s time to rewrite it. The third area helps you see which chapter you’re in the middle of closing – and which version of yourself you no longer want to represent.

• What does the story say about you, where you are now – and where you’re heading?

• What does what you want to leave behind symbolise?

• Which version of yourself do you no longer want to represent?

• What do you want to be able to say about your next step, in three years’ time?

4. Ambivalence isn’t an obstacle – it’s information

What’s keeping you isn’t always fear. Sometimes it’s loyalty. Identity. A voice inside you that hasn’t been heard yet. The fourth area invites you to sit with what’s unclear – without forcing an answer.

• What is it that’s keeping you where you are?

• What’s at stake if you stay?

• What do you risk losing – and what do you risk not winning?

• Is there something in you that hasn’t had a chance to speak yet?

5. You don’t need to make up your mind – you just need to start moving

The biggest mistake we make is believing we need to know before we can act. But insight often comes through movement, not before it. The fifth area is about one small step – not a life-defining decision.

• If a small step were possible, what would it be?

• Would you rather explore internally first, or open doors externally?

• What do you need to test, rather than decide?

• What support do you need to keep exploring without losing your direction?

There, you read them. Now let it linger a while if your like. Come back tomorrow. Print them and wallpaper your living room. Your ideas are as good as mine.

Enjoy!